Still Sane
by MegMellark028
Summary: Takes place three years after the end of Mockingjay, before the epilogue. AU with events that took place during Mockingjay. Katniss is still trying to fight off her demons and keep herself together. Peeta was rescued from the Capitol but did not make it out of the Capitol the second time. He ended up with Finnick in the tunnels. This is my first fic, so bear with me.
1. Chapter 1

Katniss POV

Chapter 1

_Bright, golden, morning sunshine permeates the room. I feel an extra weight on my abdomen. I open my eyes and take a minute to adjust to the bright light. I look down at my side and see an arm draped across it. I shift my gaze up to see his beautiful sleeping form. He looks so young and peaceful. His short blond curls lay in a mess on his head. Slowly I shift my position, as not to wake him, and lay my hand across his bare chest. A few minutes pass as I lie there watching the steady rise and fall of his breathing as he begins to wake. In an instant his eyes flutter open, revealing his breathtakingly, sapphire-blue eyes. He hums, content, when he notices my hand placed over his heart. He turns and smiles, making butterflies twirl about in my stomach._

_"Morning Sunshine." He says in a deep voice that causes my heartbeat to quicken. He leans over and gives me a sweet kiss and mumbles, "I love you" against my lips. He rolls away onto his back, still smiling at me._

_"I love you too." I reply in full honesty, giving him a smile that is only reserved for him._

_"I love you so much Katniss."_

_All of the sudden he is gone and the sun disappears. The temperature drops in the room and I am left trembling. Panic begins to set in as my eyes try to search the now completely dark room for any sign of him. He was there just a moment ago, how can he be gone? My hands reach through the dark looking for something, anything, to hold onto. I begin to scream his name over and over again until my throat is raw and it only comes out as a raspy whisper. I curl into a ball on the now hard cold floor as I feel my mind begin to slip away…_

* * *

"KATNISS!" Someone is yelling my name and I can feel strong arms shaking me as I am brought back to reality. I open my eyes to see Gale leaning over me with a concerned look on his face, his deep grey eyes glistening in the moonlight. He stays like that for a good minute before, just staring at me, searching me, before he begins to speak.

"Are you okay? You've been screaming and crying for the last five minutes." Just then I realize that my cheeks are wet and I feel the pounding of a horrible headache beginning in the base of my skull. I am shaking all over and once I realize that it was just a dream, I start to relax a little bit. I have never told Gale anything in depth about my experience in the Hunger Games, other than the fact that they bring back too much emotion. I frantically grasp at my neck until I find what I am looking for, my pearl. The pearl that Peeta gave me on the beach during the Quarter Quell. I roll the pearl at the end of the small silver chain between my thumb and forefinger. I instantly feel safe and calm at the thought of him. I look back over to Gale and tell him that everything is fine, that I just had a bad dream. I know that he doesn't believe me, but he knows better than to push the subject.

I roll over and pretend to fall back asleep, steadying my breathing. Eventually Gale settles back into bed and drifts back to sleep. I look at the clock on my nightstand and it reads 3:45 am in bright green numbers. I lie awake, unable to fall asleep after the panic I felt from my dream, until the clock reads 5:30 am. At this point I might as well get up and start my day. There is no use wasting my time trying to do something that is impossible.

I crawl out of bed, careful not to wake Gale, and tiptoe to the bathroom to take a shower. I close the door behind me and turn on the lights. I stare at myself in the mirror and notice the dark circles under my eyes from the sleepless night. I look horrible, but what else is new. I walk to the shower and turn the water to the hottest setting that I can stand. I stand under the water letting it wash away all the pain and sorrow. I cry and it feels good, letting myself let go. The pain from the war still feels so fresh, like an open wound. I wash myself and stand there for a moment before getting out. I turn off the water and dry myself off. I quietly walk to the closet in our room, Gale is still fast asleep on the bed. I pull on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and my father's hunting jacket, one of the few items I still have from my past.

The floorboards creak as I walk down the hall to the apartment's small kitchen. I imagine smelling freshly baked goods as I walk closer to the kitchen. When I get there, I walk to the stove and put on a pot of water for some tea. I need to think of something to get my mind off of things because I can tell that today will be difficult. As wait for the water to boil, I walk over to the balcony looking over the forest. I open the door and am hit with the crisp fall air of District 2. It has been three years and I can still smell the fresh pine breeze from District 12. I miss it so much. My heart clenches when I immediately think of Peeta. I stop myself from thinking about the past, take a deep breath, and head back inside.

In my head I repeat the words that remind me that I am still sane: _My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 21 years old. I am a Victor of both the 74th and 75th Hunger Games. I am deeply in love with my old district partner, who is believed- known- to be dead. The war has been over for three years, yet I am still plagued with vivid nightmares. Gale Hawthorne is my best friend and honestly, I don't know what I would do without him._ I wish that I could get rid of the past, but the sun persists on rising, so I make myself stand.

The pot is screaming, telling me that the water is boiling. I pour some water into my mug and place a teabag in it letting it absorb the flavor. I have to get out of here. I need a change in scenery. Hurrying down the hall to the bedroom, I have to remind myself to be quiet. If I want to leave without being pummeled with questions, I have to be quick. I grab my duffel bag from the top of the closet and fill it with clothes and a couple pairs of shoes. I glance back at Gale's sleeping form before walking out of the room. I throw in my hunting boots and lug my bag to the front door. Back in the kitchen, I open a drawer, pull out a piece of paper and a pen, and write a note for Gale:

_Gale-_  
_I am on my way to District 4 to see Annie and little Finn. Be back in a couple days. Please don't worry about me while I am gone. I just need some time away._  
_Love,_  
_Katnip_

I leave the note on the counter next to the stove, so that he is sure to see it when he makes tea for himself. I grab my bag and head out the door. Gale knows that I will be back soon and he won't question my sudden hiatus. He'll understand that I need to be with someone that truly understands my pain, right? Annie understands what it was like to not only be in the games, but also lose the one you love.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyone! I am so glad that people are enjoying my story! Just to clarify: Peeta and Finnick's deaths were in sewers of the capitol, the same as Finnick's death in the book. Please read and review! I would love to hear your thoughts! Thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything! All characters belong to Suzanne Collins!**

* * *

**Katniss' POV**

Chapter 2

The train ride to District 4 takes about five hours and I arrive at the station around noon time. I called Annie at the train station back in District 2 before I left. She was ecstatic to hear that I was coming.

I step off the train onto the platform and I can immediately smell the saltwater of the ocean. I look around the platform and I spot Annie's brunette head with little Finn in her arms. She turns her head and spots me standing here. Her face breaks out into a huge smile. I run through the crowds of people and give them both a big hug.

"I'm so excited to see you Katniss! Look Finn, Auntie Katniss came to see us!" Annie exclaims. I lean down so that I am eye-level with Finn and make a silly face. He starts to giggle and curls his face into his mother's shoulder. I love his laugh; it's so adorable.

"He's gotten so big Annie, I can't believe that he's three." I tell her.

"I know. I feel like just yesterday he was a little baby."

"Thanks for letting me come on such short notice."

"Katniss," she sighs, "you know that you are always welcome to stay with us; you're family." She gives me a pointed look before continuing, "Why don't we head home and have some lunch. How does that sound Finn?"

"Good. I Hungry." He replies. Both Annie and laugh at how straightforward he is.

As we walk back to her home in District 4's Victors Village, Annie fills me in on everything that has happened since I last visited, a year ago. Finn started preschool a month ago and he is really enjoying it. Annie has been working at a local art shop that she opened over the summer. I know that she has been searching for a way to get rid of her demons and I think that art is a perfect fit. I can tell that she has a difficult time parting with Finn by the way that she talks about him starting school. I am so happy for her though. She is finally beginning to enjoy life for what it is. She is much better than the broken girl I knew at the end of the war. She was so distraught when Finnick died. She was almost eight months pregnant at that point; I think the baby was the only thing that kept her going. Her little piece of Finnick.

* * *

Finn toddles his way down the sidewalk, up ahead of us, and I can't help but notice just how much he resembles his father. He has the same bronze colored hair and beautiful sea-green eyes. He walks with the same confident stature, even at the age of three. I wish that Finnick could have met him so much. I know that he would have loved him to the ends of the Earth. For someone so small, he radiates the confidence that many of us lack. As soon as their house comes into view, he turns and comes running back to us and grabs my hand.

"Auntie Katniss! Hurry up! We have to get to mine house quick! I want to show you my big boy bed!" He says as he drags me the next twenty feet to the driveway.

We reach the front door and I notice the mailbox has the name 'Odair' on it and I am reminded of Finnick and Annie's wedding back in District thirteen. The big gathering was amazing with the dancing and wonderful music. I can still see the most wonderful cake that I had ever seen Peeta make, with the fish and the sea swirling all over it. Peeta. Thinking about him makes me happy but sad at the same time. I sigh, but I feel content as we make our way to the front door.

Finn is buzzing with excitement as Annie unlocks and opens the door. Inside, he leads me up the stairs to his room as fast as his little legs can take me. He points to his bed while he looks up at me with a large smile waiting for my reaction. The bed is the perfect size for him; a toddler bed with ocean carvings in the headboard. His sheets are navy blue and his blanket has a cute fish pattern on it. I look at him and give him one of my best smiles.

"This bed is so awesome Finn! Perfect for a big boy like you!" I tell him and he giggles, making me smile even more, if that is even possible.

Annie comes in and tells us that lunch is ready. She must have been making it while we were upstairs. I scoop Finn up into my arms and follow Annie down to the kitchen. She has made us all tuna salad sandwiches with pickles, Finn's favorite. I have to admit that it is one of my favorites too, next to lamb stew of course. I love having fresh fish when I come to District 4. I watch as Finn gobbles down all of his food, then leans back in his chair with a content sigh.

"Honey, why don't you go color for a little bit so Auntie Katniss and I can talk about some adult stuff." Annie suggests.

"Okay, tanks for lunch mommy." He replies before he hops down from his seat and goes to color in the living room.

Annie moves her chair so that she is facing me directly, "So..., what really brings you here on such short notice? You don't have to have a reason, but I thought I would ask."

"Uh... I don't really know to be completely honest. I guess I just wanted to be with someone who truly understands what I am going through. I have been having nightmares and they are progressively getting worse. They have picked up again and I just need to talk to someone and I love Gale to death, but he just doesn't understand the way I need him to." I tell her honestly.

"I understand. I know the feeling all too well."

"How do you do it? I mean, stay sane and raise Finn at the same time; he looks so much like... like... Finnick."

Annie gets a distant look in her eyes before she replies, "It's hard. I think what gets me through it is the thought that Finnick would have wanted me to be happy and be the best mother I can be for Finn. I have to stay strong for him, you know?"

"You already are Annie. Finn loves you so much."

Just then Finn walks into the room holding a piece of paper and a couple of crayons. He rushes over to me saying, "Auntie Katniss! I drawed a picture for you!" He holds up a picture that takes my breath away. It is a picture with me in the middle - I can tell by the braid - and two men, one on each side. "It's a picture of you and daddy and your friend" My 'friend' is Peeta. How does he even know them, never mind what they look like? Even though he is only three, he managed to capture the small details that made each of us distinctly us. I am immediately overcome with emotion as tears start to roll down my cheeks. Finn looks worried, so I try to reassure him, "It's beautiful Finn, thank you so much." I smile and reach down to pick him up and put him on my lap.

"You like it?" He asks.

"I love it." I reply in the happiest tone that I can manage, but I feel myself starting to break down.

"Honey? Finn?" Annie tries to get his attention but he remains unresponsive. "Finnick!" Annie says as he jolts and turns to look at his mother. "Honey, if you're all done coloring, why don't you go clean up so that we can go take a nap."

"Okay mommy." He says as he climbs down from my lap and walks back out of the room.

"I'm so sorry about that, Katniss." Annie says.

"No, no it's fine. I'm fine. I love it." I reassure her.

"I have a picture of the three of you that I used to keep in my nightstand, but Finn found it. He asked who the men in the picture were, so I had to tell him." She sighs. "Since he found out that Finnick was his dad, he hasn't been able to stop looking at the picture. He's infatuated by it. I told him that Peeta was your best friend and that both of them are gone now. I wanted to keep it simple because he is so young."

I sit there in silence, unable to speak, still shocked that Finn knows who they were. I stay like that until Annie starts to speak again a few minutes later.

"He asked me where they had gone and I just told him that they are watching over us. That they would always be a part of us and always be right here." She says, pointing to her heart. A single tear rolls down her cheek, but she quickly wipes it away with the back of her hand.

It takes a little while for everything to sink in, but I soon answer by saying, "I'm glad that he knows. He should know who his father is, especially before he hears it from someone at school. I'm glad that he heard it from you. I just... I... Annie... Annie, it's all my fault." My chest feels as if there is a large weight on it making it difficult to breathe. I start to shake and my vision becomes blurry from my tears. "Neither of them would be gone if it weren't for me. Peeta was forced to come to the Capitol with us after he had been tortured because of ME. Finnick was only going to the Capitol because I wanted to kill Snow. He... He wouldn't have d-"

"No," Annie cuts me off, "he wanted to go, not because of you, but because he wanted Snow dead just as much as you. We all know what Finnick was to him and any high-paying citizen. Finnick wanted that man dead with every ounce of his being." She gets up from her chair and walks over and embraces me in a warm hug. "You have lost just as much, if not more, than everyone. In my eyes, and everyone else's, you are a hero. You managed to eradicate Snow's corruption _and_ the Hunger Games forever."

I nod my head against her shoulder, finally able to catch my breath. I guess she is right, but I still feel that it was all my fault. She lets go and gives me a sad, but warm smile before beginning to clean the dishes from our lunch. I stand up, taking a deep breath, and tell her that I'll go put Finn down for his nap.

* * *

I walk into the living room and find Finn fast asleep on the floor, surrounded by crayons and paper. I tiptoe over and pick him up, careful not to wake him, and carry him upstairs to his room. I open his door and quietly walk over to his bed. Using one hand, I pull back the covers and lay him down. I cover him with his blankets and tuck him in, placing a kiss on his head. I am about to leave when I notice a corner of something peeking out from under his pillow. I step lightly back to his bedside and pull a picture out from under the pillow. I see Finnick, Peeta, and I staring back at me. My heart clenches to see it. We look so happy. It was a picture that someone took of us at Finnick and Annie's wedding. That was one of Peeta's good days. It makes me so sad to see it, but the smiles on all of our faces make me happy. I place it back under the pillow and leave the room, shutting the door behind me.

* * *

Annie and I chat about less emotional topics, in the living room, while we wait for Finn to wake up. We decide that going to the beach for a picnic dinner would be a great start to my visit. Annie gets up from the couch and heads to the kitchen to make dinner. I guess I should probably unpack while I have the time. I grab my duffel bag from the front hall where I left it and bring it upstairs to the guest room, down the hall from Finn's room. It is a small room with light blue walls that remind me of the sky. The bed is covered with luscious white sheets and blankets that look like clouds, adding to the whole 'sky' look.

I drop my bag on the bed and pull out my clothes. I sort everything into piles and put them all away in the dresser. I'm so emotionally exhausted that I flop down on the bed and drift off into a dreamless sleep.

Next thing I know, I can feel something poking my arm. I slowly open my eyes, blinking a few times to adjust to the light in the room. I roll to the side and see two little sea-green orbs staring back at me. Finn smiles at me and he giggles," Auntie Katniss, you silly, I waked up before you!" He grabs my hand and pulls me out of bed. I laugh at how adorable he is.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." I tell him in a silly tone.

I see that he is already in his swim shorts for the beach. How long was I asleep?

"Finn, I'm gonna get changed into my swimsuit and I'll meet you downstairs. Why don't you go see if mommy needs any help." I scruff up his hair and give him a smile, then he runs out of the room.

I walk to the dresser and pull out my green one-piece - one of the perks of being a victor is having enough money to afford a new swimsuit. I saunter over to the on-suite bathroom to get changed and freshen up.

* * *

The sun is warm on my skin as I lie in the sand. Finn is playing in the sand while Annie and I enjoy the warm, salty air. While I was sleeping, Annie had pack us all a picnic for a dinner on the beach. I try to enjoy the feeling of being away from home and I clear my mind. It is nice to be here with to people that I love dearly. I am looking foreword to some time to regain a hold on my sanity. Annie and Finn are just the people I need. I sigh with content as I listen to the waves crashing on the shore, letting my mind be in a happy place.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone! I am so excited that people are liking my story! Thank you to all who have reviewed this story, especially **TobiasEverdeenJackson22456 ** and **rougedcheeks-bloodiedhands **. I love the support! Please read and REVIEW, I would love to know what you think!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything!**

**Enjoy! :)**

Chapter 3

**Gale's POV**

I hate being in the capitol. It reminds me of President Snow. Even though it has been a few years since the war ended, I still can't get over the feeling of pure hatred whenever I enter the city. I have to remind myself that it is part of my job as Head Peacekeeper to have monthly trips to the Capitol. The peacekeepers have a new logo now, to separate them from the prewar peacekeepers. Instead of the traditional Capitol seal, a golden mockingjay now stands over my heart. Katniss is the reason that we are free today. I know she doesn't really see that, but she is. I know that she has horrible memories about the games, so I think it is good that she is going to see Annie and Finn. I saw her note yesterday morning after I woke up. It is so like her to leave without saying goodbye. I wish that she would talk to me about what's on her mind. I want her to look at me the way that she looked at _him_. I mean it has been _3 years_ and we are living together, yet she still doesn't see me the way I want her to.

I step off the platform at the train station and make my way through the crowds of people. I look at the time on my communicuff; I have to hurry if I want to make it to the justice building on time for my 10:00 am meeting. I run up the steps to the tall, glass and marble building before me. The Capitol seal on the front of the building has also been replaced by a golden mockingjay and I smile when I see it.

I rush through the doors and quickly scan my communicuff and wave to security, before running to the elevators. Once inside, I have to scan my communicuff again, proving that I have the clearance necessary to go to sub-level 2. The red light by the scanner turns green and the elevator begins to sink below the building. The doors slide open and I am met by the noise of people walking and talking in a hurry. Voices are giving commands and people are analyzing many holographic video feeds. I step out of the elevator, turn the corner, and walk to the conference room, saying hello to a few people I know along the way. Thank goodness I made it here in time. I take a seat at the long oval table next to Thom - another member of my squadron - just as President Paylor makes her way to the head of the table.

The meeting goes by quickly with the normal updates about every district. My ears perk up when I hear about District 12, but nothing else is new, aside from the continuation of the rebuilding process. Paylor closes the meeting with a curt nod and we are dismissed until next month. Before I leave, I want to go to the surveillance room so that I can see District 12. Now that I am a peacekeeper, I rarely travel to District 12 and I hardly ever see my family. I still get a call once a week from mom, but I miss the woods there. The ones in District 2 aren't the same. Mom told me last time that Rory wants to be a peacekeeper when he is old enough and he will be next year.

I walk out of the room and turn down the hall, away from the direction I had come. Where is that room? It's down here somewhere. I've only been there twice before, but I haven't been in a long time. I make a right down another hall, then a left at the end of it. I keep walk, hoping that I will stumble upon it eventually. I'm definitely not in the right place. I am about to turn back when I hear voices coming from the end of the hall. Maybe I'm in the right place after all. I see two peacekeepers come around the corner at the end of the hall and make their way towards me. They seem to be around my age as far as I can tell, one slightly taller than the other.

My communicuff begins to vibrate, alerting me that I have an incoming message. It's from the president, this can't be good, we just met with her. I stop in the hall and bring my wrist to my ear. I listen as the two peacekeepers walk by. Something about the taller of the two's voice reminds me of someone, but I can't place who.

Wait... did I hear that correctly, a code 323? No, it can't be. That hasn't happened since the war. A 323 is a security breach at the Presidential Palace. I am about to press the button that replays the message, when my ears tune in to the sound of one of the peacekeepers receding footsteps. I would recognize the uneven sound anywhere. It is distinctly... _Peeta_. I turn around quickly, only to see an empty corridor. Geez, I must be going crazy. It must just be my hunting senses running in overdrive. _He's dead_, I remind myself. There's no way.

I shake my head and refocus on the task at hand. Quickly, I make my way back to the main room. I don't see the two peacekeepers on my way. People are scrambling about, trying to figure out what happened and resolve it as fast as possible. Betee, the head of the peacekeepers, orders Squadron 1 and 2 to go to the palace and report back anything they find. I am the head of Squadron 2, so I gather my group and we head to the palace about five minutes away.

* * *

We arrive at the palace and my stomach drops. All I can think about is sweet, little Prim's face. Her face still haunts my dreams. Katniss still hasn't completely forgiven me for what happened to her, but she has accepted it. I think. I've learned that it is better not to talk about it.

There is a group of people standing at the entrance to the palace. They must be people who work there. I walk up to the man that seems to be in charge. He introduces himself as Sterling and shakes my hand.

"Commander Hawthorne." I reply, then ask, "What happened? We need all of the information that you have on the situation so that we can proceed accordingly."

Sterling nods

"I am the head of security here at the Palace. This is part of my security team, the rest are inside." He gestures to the group of men and women around him. "Follow me to the security and surveillance room."

He begins to walk through the gates towards the palace and I follow him, signaling for the rest of the peacekeepers to follow suit. The peacekeepers and workers follow us close behind. Thankfully it seems that everyone has been able to keep this under the radar. No civilians are crowding around the property. As we make our way inside the building, I take note of everyone and everything around me, looking for anything suspicious.

I see two peacekeepers, Ben and Toby, standing at the front desk. They look just as thrilled to be here as I am. They were in the same training group as me in the Academy back in District 2. I nod my head in their direction and they nod back. No words. That's our way of saying hello without drawing attention to ourselves.

Sterling and I make our way through the maze of hallways, security scans, and doors, to the security room. Finally, at the door to the security and surveillance center, Sterling and I both scan our communicuffs. I watch the red light turn green, just like it does at the Justice Building. There is a faint grinding noise as the heavy metal door slides open. The rest of Sterling's staff is rushing about the room, looking at holo-projectors and surveillance screens. Sterling leads me to the center of the room where the controls to the larger screens are located.

"I'm going to pull up the footage from the time of the breach so that we can analyze it." says Sterling. "It was weird though, no one remembers any suspicious activity."

I realize that I still don't know what exactly happened in the breach. What was the breach of? Was something taken?

"Sterling, what exactly happened in the breach?" I ask.

He turns his head from the controls to look up at me. "That's the thing, we don't know. There was an alert that showed up on our security screen that said someone scanned in twice within five minutes without ever scanning out." He sighs, "Normally we wouldn't alert the president, but we went into the data bases and all scans within the ten minutes before and after were completely erased. We think that there must be an inside man. This has to stay quiet." He gives me a pointed look.

"So we have basically nothing to work off of except the video feeds?" I ask and Sterling just nods. "Great."

The large screen in front of me suddenly comes to life. It is a video feed from the main entrance. People walk in and walk out, the same as any other day. No one seems out of the ordinary and Sterling claims that they are all people that work there; no one out of the ordinary. It just doesn't make sense. How can the only thing unusual be that someone scanned in twice.

Sterling excuses himself from the room for a moment to listen to an incoming message on his communicuff. I replay the video over and over again, but nothing stands out. This is so frustrating.

"Commander Hawthorne!" Sterling yells my name and I immediately respond by standing at attention. He pushes through the crowd of people towards me. "Move!" He gets to me and he is completely frazzled. He leans in close to me so that only I can hear, "We need to talk."

"Okay."

He pulls me aside and speaks to me in a low tone, "I just received word from the Justice Building; they have had a similar occurrence with their security. There was a breach, the exact same as ours, that took place around the time of the peacekeeper meeting earlier today. An ID was scanned in twice with no departure recorded."

"So we have two unidentified people inside both buildings, that haven't left, and are posing as someone else. But we don't know who that someone is because the data was erased." I say with exasperation.

"Precisely. Do you remember seeing anything or anyone unusual when you were at your meeting?"

"No...Well, yes. There were two peacekeepers that I had never seen before, but they get new ones every now and then. I bet-"

"I am alerted as soon as there are new peacekeepers on the force. I haven't received one since last month and I was told that that would be the last one for a while."

"Shit."

I rush back to the controls. My fingers fly over the panels as I pull up the video feed from the Justice Building. I search for the hallway that I was in and back it up to around the time that I was there. Sterling leans over my shoulder as we watch the screen intently. I see myself turn the corner as I enter the hallway. The two peacekeepers show up on the other end, then I stop walking to listen to my communicuff. The two peacekeepers walk past me, getting closer to the camera. I freeze the screen when they are right in front of it. Their faces are looking down; away from the camera so we can't see who they are.

Sterling makes an aggravated grunt noise,"This is useless!"

I keep staring at the screen, hoping for something to become clear. Then it does. I zoom in on their uniforms and I notice something that I haven't seen in a long time. Right where the mockingjay symbol is supposed to be is the old Capitol seal. _What the fuck does that mean?_

"Do you have any other angle of this hallway?" I ask Sterling.

"Uh... Yeah, let me just find it for you. We don't use it much." Sterling replies as he steps in front of the controls. I begin to pace behind him. Thoughts are running through my head at a million miles a minute.

"Oh Shit." I hear Sterling mutter under his breath.

I look up from the ground and focus on the screen. We can see their face clearly now.

"No fucking way." I mutter in shock.

* * *

**Author's Note: I am going to try to post a new chapter once a week, most likely on Wednesdays because it will be easiest. I can't wait to hear what you think! Also, sorry for any grammar mistakes or spelling!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyone! Please review my story once you read it. It would really help me to know what you think! Thanks for all of the support from my followers and thanks to those who have reviewed! This chapter is a little early because I have had plenty of time to write over vacation. School starts again this week though, so it will probably go back to once a week. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything!**

Chapter 4

**Katniss' POV**

I've been here with Annie and Finn for a few days now. It is so nice to be away from District 2. Annie and I have been spending our days together while Finn is at preschool. I hope that Gale is doing okay back at home. Today, Annie and I are going to the market after we drop off Finn.

"Honey, lets go get dressed." Annie tells Finn as she clears our plates from the breakfast table.

Finn hops down from his seat and toddles over to me. He is wearing cute baby blue pajamas that show off his adorable chubbiness. He grabs my hand and asks me to help him get ready.

"I want to wear my lellow and boo shirt today, Auntie Katniss."

"Okay Finn. I'll come help you get dressed." I get up from my seat and lift Finn into my arms. I walk out of the kitchen and give Annie a smile to let her know that I am okay. Finn puts his little arms around my neck and snuggles into me. Tears come to my eyes as I think of what could have been. Peeta would have been such a great father. I never wanted any kids, but I would have had child for Peeta. He was always so good around children and I know he wanted some of his own.

A single tear rolls down my cheek. My chest contracts, but I don't give into the sobs that threaten to break free. I make it up the stairs and down the hall to Finn's room. I put him down and he goes straight to his dresser to get his shirt. I walk over to his dresser with him and I grab a pair of shorts and some socks for him. By the time I do that, he already has his shirt and a new pair of underwear on. I laugh at how eager he is to get dressed. I help him pull on his shorts and put on his socks. Finn runs over to his shoe bin to pick out his sneakers and I try to regain composure. I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am 21 years old. I am a Victor of both the 74th and 75th Hunger Games. I am deeply in love with my old district partner, who is believed- known- to be dead. The war has been over for three years, yet I am still plagued with vivid nightmares. Gale Hawthorne is my best friend and honestly, I don't know what I would do without him. Seeing my friends and how they keep themselves together helps me keep moving foreword._ I wish that I could get rid of the past, but the sun persists on rising, so I make myself stand.

I open my eyes to see Finn standing in front of me, holding up a pair of navy blue sneakers.

"Those shoes are awesome Finn!" I say as I lift him up onto his bed. I tickle his toes, making him giggle. He smiles at me when I am done tying his shoes.

"Auntie Katniss, can you stay wif us forever?" He asks me. His little green eyes look up at me in a pleading manner.

"I would love to Finn, but I do have to go home eventually. I have people that need me there, too." I think of Gale as I say this.

"Awe, okay." Finn reaches his little, chubby arms up towards me, asking me to pick him up.

I carry him downstairs and we meet Annie at the front door. She has all of his school things ready and his lunch packed. She also has our bag for when we go to the market later. She smiles at me with Finn in my arms; she has told me more than once that I am wonderful with children and will make a great mother someday. Personally, I hope that day doesn't come. My one soulmate is lost; gone forever.

We step outside into the warm, salty air. The walk to Finn's preschool is quite short and takes us less than ten minutes. When we get close Finn begins to squirm in my arms; his way of telling me that he wants to get down. I put him down on the sidewalk and he starts to toddle ahead of us. He gets so excited to go to school. I remember when he was just a little baby, right after the war. He is so big now, I can hardly believe it.

We get to the gates of the school and I decide that I would rather stay outside today.

"Annie, I think I'm going to stay out here and just sit on a bench. You go ahead and bring Finn, I'll wait here for you."

"Are you sure?" She looks at me skeptically. I just nod in reply and give her a small smile. She can sense that something is a little bit off with me today, but she doesn't question it. "Alright, I'll be out soon. Say bye, Finn."

"Bye Auntie Katniss." Finn says as he waves goodbye to me.

* * *

I sit on the bench, close my eyes, and listen to the noise of people moving around me. I picture myself sitting on the beach during the quarter quell. _I watch the waves roll in and out in a controlled rhythm. Peeta appears next to me with his same heart-melting smile. I gasp, suddenly unable to breathe. He leans in and kisses me with all of the passion he has and I kiss him back with equal force. He pulls back from the kiss, ending it all too soon. The setting changes around us and I turn to see that we are in District 13. I look back at Peeta to see him preparing to lunge at me. I have to get out of here. I move to leave but I am too late. He is on top of me in seconds. I can no longer breathe and I close my eyes, hoping that he will stop soon. _

_His grip on me vanishes, but his arms are replaced by Gale's. He is holding me back from something and my eyes fly open. I look down to the tunnels to see Finnick and Peeta down there being attacked by muts. Peeta went down to help Finnick hold them off. I try with all my strength to go save them. I know that they won't make it out of there. Tears come streaming down my face. I yell at them with all of my voice. My throat becomes raw. Gale keeps holding me back as the other members of our group close the hatch, sealing their fate. I continue to scream and cry in Gales arms._

_I hear my name being yelled in the distance. It seems to be getting closer._

_"Katniss! Katniss please!" Some one with much smaller arms is holding me now. _

"Katniss!"

My eyes fly open to see Annie hugging me; trying to bring me back to her. I try to say her name but my throat is raw and it comes out as more of a gurgle. My heart is racing and my body is shaking in fear. I search her face to make sure that she is real.

"Katniss, its okay now. I'm here, shhh. It's not real. It's okay." Annie whispers as she holds me in her arms. She repeats it over and over again and she rocks me back and forth.

I try to control my rapid breathing as Annie continues to comfort me. I feel myself begin to calm down. I realize that there is a group of people around us. I recognize a few of them as people that Annie has said hello to in passing. I have never had a breakdown like that in such a public space before. They must be parents of other children. I guess Annie had them come over to block the view of passers by.

"I think I'm alright now, Annie. I just need to sit here for a few minutes." I tell her. She loosens her grip on me and she leans back to look at me. She must think that I am okay now because she smiles at me. Her face is still full of worry, but she also shows understanding. She nods once before she stands from where she was kneeling in front of me. I watch as she politely thanks her friends for their help. She tells them that I am okay now and just need space. Annie comes back over to the bench and sits down next to me. The rest of the people disperse from the scene. A few glance at me before they leave.

"When was the last time that you had such a violent flashback?" Annie asks me.

"I haven't had one that bad in a few months. I have had a few since then, but normally I can pull myself out of them." I worry that I am getting worse instead of better.

Annie opens her mouth to say something, but quickly closes it. She shifts her position on the bench so that she is fully facing me.

"After the games," she sighs, "I used to have flashbacks all the time. They were like the nightmares that haunted my sleep, but they happened while I was awake. They were horrible and Finnick was the only one who could break the trance." She pauses before continuing, "He understood what I was going through and he was so gentle with me. They finally started to go away before the quarter quell. He had to leave to go back into the games and I lost it. They took me to the Capitol and they came back, stronger than ever before. Listening to Peeta and Johanna being tortured made it worse. When I was reunited with him back in District 13, he was there and they began to go away again."

She looks at me and gives me a soft smile, "Everything changed when I found out that he was dead. I lost all hope and I had no desire to keep moving on with my life. I didn't want to live without him. You're mother was actually the one who was able to break through to me. She told me that Finnick would not have wanted me to end my life and our child's just because he was gone. It made me rethink things. My focus became Finn and he made everything good again. I still have nightmares now and then, but Finn has become my anchor." Annie reaches and grabs my hands, "You need to find your new anchor Katniss."

* * *

Annie and I walk through the market, stopping at little booths along the way. It reminds me of the Hob back in District 12. We get some food for the days ahead. Annie goes over to the fish booth and I follow behind her. I see something sparkle out of the corner of my eye and I stop walking. I turn to see a booth with jewelry and pictures.

"Annie, I'm going to go look at this booth for a little bit." I tell her.

"Okay, I'll be over here." She smiles at me before turning back to the fish booth.

I walk over to the booth. A tall man stands behind the table. He has short, bleach-blond hair from many days spent in the sun, and deep green eyes. His skin is tanned, with a dusting of freckles across his face. The man smiles at me and leans down to rest his elbows on the table.

"Hiya Katniss." He says. _How does he know my name? Oh, right._ I forget sometimes that I am somewhat of a celebrity. Being a victor of the Hunger Games and the leader of a war can do that to people.

"Hi,..." I realize he didn't say his name.

"Chris, sorry, I thought I said that. I guess not." He laughs. I smile at him. "What brings you to District 4?" He asks.

"I'm visiting with Annie O'dair."

"Oh yeah. Little Finn is getting so big. That kid makes me laugh. He looks so much like Finnick. I wish he could have met him."

"Did you know him?" I ask.

"Yeah, he was my best friend when we were kids."

"Oh, I didn't know."

Chris sighs, "Not many people knew. He didn't want people to find out because he wanted to keep me safe from the Capitol. I miss him so much. I didn't get to see him often, but when I did it was always so great." He looks down for a moment before returning his gaze to mine. "Geez, that's one way to meet someone; bring up all the sad shit in your life."

I laugh, "We all have those moments."

"Hey, that's a pretty necklace." He reaches out and touches the pearl that hangs around my neck. "Where'd you get it?"

"Peeta."

"Wow, I am really bad at conversation starters today. Sorry about that."

"It's okay."

"Hey Chris." Annie shows up next to me. "I see you've met Katniss."

"Oh, hi Annie." He stands up from his current position to greet her, "Katniss and I have just been chatting. How are you, I haven't seen you in a while."

"I am well. Would you like to come over for dinner tonight? I bet Finn would love to see you."

"That would be awesome!" Chris looks over to me and smiles. "See both you lovely ladies at dinner."

He gives my hand a tight squeeze before he lets go and Annie and I walk to more booths. I look over my shoulder at him and see him watching me. I blush and my cheeks become hot. I quickly turn and follow Annie back through the market.

* * *

When we arrive back at the house, there is a letter in the mailbox addressed to me. It's from the Capitol. _Weird_. I bet it's from Gale. I sit at the kitchen table and open it.

_Katnip-_  
_I hope that you are having a good time with Annie and Finn. I just wanted to let you know that I am going to stay in the Capitol for a little while longer. I am on an investigation team and we need some more time. If you want to stay there for a few more days, that would probably be good. Johanna called the other day, before I left. She said to give her a call when you can. I think she wants to see you. I miss you and can't wait to see you again._  
_ Love,_  
_ Gale_

I wonder what he's 'investigating'. He has never had to stick around in the Capitol for more than a couple days. A chill runs through me and raises the hairs on the back of my neck. Something in his writing seems off. I can't place my finger on what it is though. I realize it is because he never, ever writes that formally. I cross my arms and rub my forearms with my hands for warmth. It's nothing, I try to convince myself, you're over thinking things as always. A little voice in my head protests, but what if it isn't nothing?


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi all! I know that it has been FOREVER since my last update, but I decided that I wanted to continue this story. I really appreciate feedback and I love to hear all of your thoughts and ideas! This is not an edited story so beware of typos and such. Thank you so much for reading!**

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Chapter 5

**Katniss' POV**

I stand in front of the mirror inspecting my outfit. Chris is going to be here any minute for dinner and I want to look presentable. I have a forest-green sundress on and my hair is pulled back into a neat braid. I guess this will do. I look down at the bathroom counter and see Gale's letter. I pick it up and read it again. I still can't seem to figure out what's wrong with it, but I know something is _off_.

I hear a knock echo from the front door downstairs. I hear Annie walk over and open it.

"Hi Chris, I'm so glad that you could make it tonight!" Annie greets him.

"Hey, thanks for inviting me." He pauses and I make my way down the hall, pausing just before the top of the stairs. "Where are Finn and Katniss?"

My heart begins to race, as if it is going to jump out of my chest, for some unknown reason. I quietly make my way down the stairs to see him standing by the front door with Annie. He hasn't noticed me yet, so I take the time to take him in. He is wearing a light blue button-down shirt with a red and navy striped tie, together with a nice pair of khakis and dress shoes. _He cleans up nice. Stop. What are you doing, Katniss? Why do you care what the man wears to dinner? _I sigh, giving away my location.

"Hello Katniss," I break out of my trance at the sound of his voice, "you look lovely."

I can feel my cheeks getting hot. I look over to see him smiling at me and Annie smiling softly. I step off the last step and walk over to them.

"Hi Chris," I say shyly, "it's nice to see you again."

"I have dinner all ready for us. Finn is in the kitchen coloring." Annie says as she begins to make her way into the kitchen. I glance at Chris before following her.

* * *

"Mmmm, Annie this salmon is delicious!" I moan with appreciation.

"It really is, Annie. Thanks again for letting me come over." Chris agrees.

"Thank you! I'm glad that you like it!" Annie says. "Chris, I hope that you know that you are welcome here anytime. You were best friends with Finnick and that means a lot to me."

"Mommy, what do you mean that Chris were best friends wif me? I tot he was still?" Finn asked quietly.

"Oh, honey, I meant he was friends with Daddy." Annie replied.

"Oh." Finn said as his expression became distant.

We sit in silence, while we finish eating, before Chris breaks it as he stands up.

"Hey, Finn, do you want to go outside and play ball with me?" He says as he loosens his tie. I feel myself blush at the way his muscles shift as he does so.

"YAH! That would be awesome!" Finn says excitedly as he hops down from his chair. He runs over to Chris, hugging his leg. Chris bends down and scoops Finn into his arms.

"Thank you again for dinner ladies. I hope you won't mind our absence for the moment." Chris says.

"Of course not, you boys go have fun." Annie says.

I watch as Chris turns to leave the room, whispering something in Finn's ear that makes him giggle. As he turns the corner, out of sight, I find myself still staring at the spot where he stood moments before. _What is going on with you Katniss? You know that you are too broken for anyone to ever love you again._ I become melancholy at the thought that I will never be loved the way that Peeta loved me. _Peeta. Why did you leave me so soon? You were the one who was supposed to live._

"Katniss," I feel a hand on my shoulder, "honey, it's okay. I'm here you are safe."

I look up to see Annie looking at me with a worried expression.

"Katniss, don't cry." Annie says. At that moment I realize that my cheeks are soaked with tears.

"I can't do-do thi-is Annie!" I cry. My chest feels like it is caving in on itself.

Annie seems to know exactly what I am talking about immediately.

"Katniss, I know that it is hard right know," she takes my face between her hands, "but you know that Peeta _loves_ you and he would want you to be happy. He wouldn't want you to lie around wonder what could be. If I knew Peeta at all, he would be happy that you found someone to love again."

"But I-I miss hi-im so mu-uch." Tears are streaming down my face in a constant stream. "He was sup-pposed to be the one who-o lived not me!"

"Shhh. I know honey," Annie says as she envelopes me in a hug, "I know."

"I like Chris, but I can't think about him that way without - without feeling like I'm betraying Peeta somehow. Peeta. Peeta. _Peeta. peeta. peeeeetttaaaaaaa."_

Cool, stone, grey walls begin closing in on me. Darkness cascades from above, enveloping me in complete blackness within seconds. I hear screams in the distance that seem to be getting louder and louder. I recognize that scream. It's Peeta's. He cries out as if he is in tremendous pain. I try with every ounce of strength in me to move toward the sound, but I seem to be frozen in place. Peeta's screams are soon joined by Finnick, Prim, and Rue's. The noise begins to find its way into every part of me. My ears begin to throb as though they could begin to bleed at any moment. I smell blood, but not just any blood. It is the smell of blood that is masked by the artificial smell of roses. I begin to panic, grasping for something, anything, to hold onto. _Katniss. _I feel to floor begin to crumble beneath me. _Katniss! _Someone is calling my name as I begin to fall through the darkness. _KATNISS!_

_"KATNISS!" _I hear my name being called as the darkness begins to fade. I no longer feel like I am falling.

My eyes snap open and I gasp for air. Chris' face is hovering over mine and his hands cradle my head. Annie is leaning over his shoulder, a concerned look on her face. Chris' green eyes are full of worry as they stare into mine. I feel like my head is going to explode and I can't seem to keep my hands from shaking.

"What's happening to her?" Chris asks Annie worriedly.

"They call them flashbacks, but in reality they are more like nightmares that occur while you are still awake. Most of them are not actual memories, but instead deceivingly real, based on reality." She replies quickly, then adds softly, "I used to get them a lot after my games and when Finnick died."

Chris broke his gaze from my face for a moment to look up at Annie, "You mean to say that this is a normal thing for victors to go through? My goodness!"

"Yes, sadly I haven't met a victor that hasn't suffered from PTSD after the games. Even the careers."

I move to sit up and instantly become horribly dizzy. I grab hold of Chis' shoulder as I try to focus on the floor beneath me. He places his hand over mine for extra support, redirecting his gaze back to me.

"Water." I manage to get out as I try to regulate my breathing.

"I'll get you a glass," Annie responds, "try to take it easy, Katniss, nice and slow."

I look into Chris's worried eyes as they search me for the source of my pain. He seems so helpless sitting here, next to me. I can tell that he wants to help somehow, but he has no idea what to do. His body is tense and his gaze seems to flicker from one part of me to the next. I reach a hand up to rest on his face, making his movement still. His green eyes flick back to mine and he takes a deep breath.

"I heard your screams from outside and came in to see Annie hunched over you. She was struggling to wake you from whatever you call that. A flashback? Nightmare?" He shook his head and continued. "Anyway, I ran in and tried my best to help. You were shaking all over, Katniss. I don't understand how this can be a normal thing for you. It's so horrible."

_If only he knew._

I try to push back the thoughts as they come to me but I cant seem to stop them. My mind is instantly flooded with images of Peeta. Him tossing the bread to me when we were kids, shaking my hand at the reaping, sitting on the roof of the training center, laughing with his brothers at the bakery, running from the mutts in the first arena, sitting on the beach during the Quarter Quell. I take a deep breath and rub my eyes, but I am still left with a single thought.

_Peeta is the only one who will ever truly understand what I went throughenter the k._

* * *

I turn on the water in the bathroom to the hottest setting possible. Chris had left for the night, after asking at least fifty questions, making sure that I am alright. I peel off my clothing and look at myself in the mirror. Scars wrap around my body, covering most of my back and torso. The dark purple rings under my dull grey eyes have been a permanent feature to my body ever since the war.

I turn and enter the steaming shower. The water cascades down my body as if it is washing away all of my impurities. I hear a knock on the bathroom door.

"Katniss?" Annie's voice calls out, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, Annie. I'm fine." I answer. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay. I'm going to put Finn to bed. Would you like me to make some tea after?"

"Sure, that would be great." Tea would definitely help me relax my nerves.

Her footsteps reseed down the hall towards Finn's room. After washing my hair and rinsing off, I step out of the shower onto the cold tile floor. I wrap a soft, white towel around my damp body and step out into my room. I haven't had a flashback that bad in months

* * *

As I walk down the hall towards the kitchen, I can hear Annie crying. Not sure what has happened, I quicken my pace. When I enter the room, I am met with a very different scene than what I was expecting.

Annie is smiling.

I see that she is holding the phone, "Who are you talking to?" I ask.

"It's Johanna. She says that she is coming to see us before you leave. She will be here tomorrow morning!"

My heart rejoices and my face breaks into a large smile. "I haven't seen her in so long! I'm so happy!" I exclaim.

I run over to Annie and give her a hug. Johanna has been one of her best friends for a very long time and I know that they have a very strong bond. I also know that they haven't seen each other in at least six months. Annie hugs me back very tightly and we just stand there for a few minutes enjoying each others company.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi all! I am so sorry that it has been so long! This is probably how it will be with updates, as I am a full time student right now and do not have much free time. I will be trying my best to get a new chapter out to you whenever I can! As always, I love the feedback! It really helps me write. Please comment! Thank you!**

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Chapter 6

**Gale's POV**

I can't stop the thoughts racing through my head. I don't think my brain can comprehend what my eyes just saw. My heart is racing as if I had just run a marathon. I try to rub my eyes and see if they are seeing properly. I look back at the frame of footage frozen on the screen. _There is no fucking way that this is happening. _

I could recognize their faces anywhere. There's no way that it's not them. But how? It's not humanly possible. I saw them _die_.

Sterling seems to regain his speech as he looks over at me, "Is that - is that who I think it is?" he asks in a very timid voice. I honestly don't know how to reply. I really don't. There is _no way_ that this is happening right now.

"I think it is" I reply, starting to become more sure of myself. I look back at him and I hold his gaze as I add, "Finnick O'dair and Peeta Mellark are alive".

Sterling stares back at me completely awestruck. I completely understand where he is coming from, as I am still having difficulty coming to terms with the whole situation. I really don't understand how this happened. It just doesn't make any sense. They _died_. I saw it happen. I mean I guess we never went back to check, but it sure sounded like they were dead. We shut the doors to the tunnels and you could still hear their screams. The mutts were eating them alive. Their screams haunt my sleep, and I know that they haunt Katniss's too.

"We need to act fast." I say as I begin to take control of the situation, "There must be a reason as to why they are coming to our attention now. What are they after? Why now? Do they want to be found? Most importantly, _who are they with_?"

The other peacekeepers in the room look shocked. No one knows what to do with themselves.

"I need all of you to go through footage from the tunnels the night that we all thought that they were killed. There must be something there." I look back at Sterling and all the other people in the room, sweeping my gaze from on to the next. "We need to look at all Capitol security footage from the last week, month even. However far back we need to go until we find them.

"This is our time to show that the new intelligence agency that we have in place is working and useful." I make eye contact with everyone in the room. "Lets find ourselves some dead victors."

* * *

As everyone gets to work scrutinizing security feeds, I make a phone call to a friend in District 7. We need all the help we can get.

The phone rings twice before it is answered, "Hey, Bitch. What do you want?"

"Well hello to you too. Nice to hear that you're still alive out there Jo."

"Hows my favorite peacekeeper doing?"

"I'm doing fine. Except for the fact that we may have a very serious problem on our hands."

Johanna's tone changes immediately, no longer happy and chipper, but serious and stone cold, "Gale, don't fuck with me. What's going on?"

"We've got a security breach in the Capitol. Not like anything we've seen before."

"Gale, spit it out! What kind of breach are we talking?"

"We think that there is a capitol underground that wants to bring back the old ways from before the rebellion. There were two men who managed to get into the capitol building using an unidentified persons card to scan in twice. We still aren't sure if they have done anything that is worth a panic. They had peacekeeper uniforms on in the footage that we have, but get this, the seal on their breastplates is the old Capitol one. That's not event the best part though, guess who they are."

"Let me guess. Some high-class snooty Capitol idiots."

"Not even close," pausing for a moment, "Finnick and Peeta."

"Sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you say Finnick and Peeta? As in _the_ Finnick and Peeta?"

"Yes"

"You're saying that two dead men are walking the hals of the Capitol?"

"I am"

"You're fucking with me."

"I wish I was. We need you to come out here as soon as possible. We need all the help we can get right now."

"I'll be there as soon as I can. I need to call Kat and Annie though, I was supposed to go out to Annie's to see them. Wait, have you told her yet?"

"Fuck no. What am I supposed to say? You're dead lover is still alive after three fucking years and we don't know how or why or even where he is?"

"Alright, I get it." she pauses for a moment, "What the fuck, Gale. How is this happening?"

"I wish I knew, I really do."

"Okay. I will be there first thing tomorrow."

"See you then." Shit. "Wait! Jo, you still there?"

"Yeah."

"Promise me that you won't tell them anything. At least not until we know what is going on. You know how many things could go wrong if they find out too soon."

"Don't worry. My lips are sealed."

"Thanks, Jo."

"Yeah, but you owe me."

I smile to myself before hanging up the phone.

* * *

The control room is complete mayhem when I walk back in. People are everywhere scrambling to piece together every bit of information that they can from the last three years. We still can't find them anywhere. They were just here, how far could they have gotten? I find myself an open screen to work with. Scrolling through all the camera angles a, looking for the two people that I never thought I would see again.

I hear a frustrated sigh behind me and turn to see Sterling running his hands through his once styled hair. He makes eye contact with me and I can tell that he feels hopeless.

"Okay. We need a new approach to this." I state. The focus of the room begins to focus on me. "They have been able to hide for three years. We need to think outside of the box a little bit. We know that they haven't left the Justice Building, so I say we split into search groups, go back there, and tear the building apart until we find them. Commander Mason is coming in on the next available train from District 7. Her and I are the ones here who know them well enough to have an idea of what to look for."

"I will stay here with my team and keep searching through the old video feeds, looking for any past signs of them." Sterling announces.

"Sounds good. The rest of you, gear up and meet me at the front gates in two minutes. We are heading out and I need all of you to be prepared."

"Yes, sir." The other peacekeepers respond.

Everyone disperses and I head to the weapons locker. I grab a stun gun and adjust my bulletproof vest. I pray that we find them without a fight. I can't let Katniss down again. I _need_ to bring him back to her, whatever it takes.

* * *

The trucks pull up in front of the Justice Building and we file out onto the sidewalk. I stand on the steps of the building to get their attention.

"Okay, we meet up with all the other peacekeepers, split up into search groups, and search this building from top to bottom." I keep my authoritative persona. "Let's go!"

The peacekeepers rush through the doors and I follow close behind, speaking into my communicuff to President Paylor, "They are still here. In the building. I think we can find them. Keep the building in complete lockdown. I'm not leaving until we find them."

We run through the halls, push through doors, before reaching the Peacekeeper headquarters. We are met with the president and fifty or so bewildered peacekeepers. "Alright," I start, "my squadron come with me. The rest of you split into your squadrons. We are going to search this building from top to bottom. No one stops until we have them. Everyone stay in touch and don't lose sight of your group. Let's go!"

Everyone begins to move about the room into their groups, mine gathers around me.

Paylor comes up to me, a look of concern in her eyes. I step away from my group as she begins to speak in a hushed tone, "How?", she asks me, "How can this be? Are you sure its them?"

"I wish I had an answer for you, I really do. We must have missed something that day. There is nothing else that I can think of." I reply.

She looks me dead in the eyes, "You need to be the one who finds them. _You_ and only _you_ are to bring them to me. Do you understand? I need this to be a matter between you and me. I do not trust everyone here to keep their emotions in check if they are met with two people that are supposed to be dead."

"You have my word. I want to find them more than anything. I will bring them to you, I swear to it."

I turn back to my group and look each of them in the eye and nod at them. We are in agreement. We are going to find them if it is the last thing we do.

* * *

The hallways are quiet except for the beating of our boots against the pristine marble floors. We make our way deep into the depths of the building. It has been almost forty-five minutes and we still have nothing to show for it. The way that we are headed will bring us to a part of the building that hasn't been used since before the rebellion. I never thought I would ever be down here. The halls are deafeningly quiet and I can hear my heart pumping in my chest.

We halt in front of a large black door at the end of the hall. I rest my hand on the door knob, take a deep breath, and twist, letting the door swing open in front of me. We enter a dark, cavernous room, lit only by the beams from our flashlights, and the light coming from under a door across the room, about fifty feet away.

I raise my hand and motion for the rest of the group to remain quiet. We walk across the room, careful not to make any noise. I come up to the door and grab the handle. I turn and look at the men behind me, "Turn the flashlights off and do not say a word until I give you the okay." They all follow my instructions and we are left in a void of darkness. Once again I take a deep breath before twisting the knob and letting the door open slowly, my other hand resting on my stun gun.

I am met with two sets of eyes looking back at me, both dull and utterly lifeless.

"Well, fuck."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Hi everyone! I am extremely sorry for the ridiculously long delay on posting a new chapter. I finally figured out a solid storyline for this fanfic and I am already working on the next few chapters. My goal is to post a new one at least once a month, if not sooner. I hope you enjoy!**

**Please review! I love to get feedback!**

* * *

Chapter 7

**Katniss POV**

The warmth of the sun on my face causes me to smile. After the embarrassing episode that I had when Chris came over for dinner, I was afraid that I would never see him again. It has been so difficult to come to terms with Peeta's death, but I finally feel that I might be able to move on. Chris has been so kind to me and he never questions my strange behavior. He is so kind. I only wish that I didn't feel this guilt.

The market is full life and wonderful smells. I walk down the street past the various stalls until I find what I am looking for. Chris sits on a bench to the left of a grain merchant. He is deeply engrossed in a book that he must have found at the local bookseller's stall. He doesn't hear me approach and I am sure to be quiet on my feet.

"Fancy meeting you here." I say as I take a seat next to him. He startles, nearly dropping the book entirely.

"Katniss!" He breathes, clutching his chest, "I didn't see you coming! How have you been?"

I smile, "I've been great. It's been so nice to spend this time with Annie and Finn." I look away, breaking eye contact, "I'm so sorry about the other night. I never intended for you to see me like that. I never meant for anyone to see me like that. I promise it won't happen again."

He gently pulls my cheek so that he can look me in the eyes again, "I never want you to feel ashamed for how you react to the torture that you've had to deal with in your life. The Capitol ruined every chance of a normal life for you and I know that you have seen horrors that you will never speak of. I want you to feel free to express your emotions without any feeling of regret." He leans in close so our noses are almost touching before he adds, "I will _NEVER_ judge you, _EVER_."

I smile at him as I lean into a hug, something I never thought that I would wish to endure again. I feel safe in his arms, like nothing can harm me as long as I am with him.

* * *

The sun is setting over the water as Chris and I stand on the pier. His arm is wrapped around my shoulders adding a comforting weight to me. I never thought that I would like to feel the touch of another man after Peeta's death. I'm glad that I have found someone who can bring me the same sense of peace.

"Katniss?" Chris pulls my attention away from the melodious sound of the waves hitting the shore.

"Hmm" I reply in content.

"I am so happy that I met you. I am eternally grateful for our friendship." His eyes move from the horizon to meet with mine, "Will you let me be more than a friend in time?"

I don't know what to say, "Chris, I..." I try to find the words I need, "I would love that, but I am not sure that I am ready to make that type of commitment. I don't know that you fully understand what you would be getting into."

"I know that this will be difficult for you, but I just want you to know that I am here for you. I am fully aware of how you felt about Peeta. I know that he meant more to you than you let on and I would never do anything to diminish those feelings." He grabs my hands in his, "I don't wish to replace him, only to bring you the comfort that you deserve."

I smile up at him and he leans in closer, seeming to ask if I am okay with this. I lean in to meet him, accepting his comfort. Our lips meet in a gentle kiss. Warmth fills my body. It reminds me so much of Peeta. The moment is sweet and kind and passes quickly. Tears stream down my face as we break apart. I look away ashamed of what I have done. Chris backs away and leans on the rail once again. It's been three years and I still cannot get past my love for Peeta. Part of me just refuses to let go. It's too soon.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper. "I...I can't." Wiping my eyes, I turn away. "I have to go, I'm sorry."

I rush down the pier, back to the sandy beach. Chris calls after me, but I know that I cannot look back. I feel so horrible leaving him there like that, but I just can't handle the way I'm feeling. I need to talk to Annie.

* * *

It is nearly dark by the time I make it back to the house. Annie's soft voice floats down the stairs as she reads to Finn. He must be going to bed. I venture to the kitchen to grab something to eat. The phone rings, startling me. I rush to pick it up as to not disturb Finn.

"Hello?" I answer, trying to keep quiet.

"Katniss!"

"Jo? Is that you? Do you know when you will be arriving!"

"Yes, it's me. Katniss there is no time, something has come up in the Capitol and I won't be able to visit."

"What happened? Is everything okay?"

"I received an urgent call from Gale. I'm sorry but I can't tell you anything. I don't even know much myself."

"Jo, you're scaring me."

"Gale will call you soon, don't worry. He said he would tell you himself. Just tell Annie that I'm sorry and I will make sure to visit once I am back."

"Alright. Please keep in touch."

"I will."

The line goes dead and I cannot seem to control my breathing. I must return to District 2, gather some of my things, and head to the Capitol myself. I can tell that something is wrong and I'm not about to wait to hear from Gale. He treats me like I am breakable, as if one wrong word will send me into a whirlwind of tears. _No. I am as strong as I have ever been. Nothing will ever break me again. _

"Katniss?" I turn my head to see Annie behind me.

"Annie, I have to leave. Immediately."

"Why? Who was that on the phone? Was it Gale?" she rushes over to me.

"No, it was Johanna. Apparently something has happened in the Capitol. I can tell that its bad and I need to be there. I don't want to be left in the dark."

"Are you sure that you want to do this. You've just begun to feel better, I'm not sure that it's such a great idea.'

"I'm sure Annie, and I can't wait to see if Gale will ever call me about it. I just have to go" I lean in hugging her adding, "Jo says she's very sorry that she won't be able to make it. She said that she will visit as soon as she can."

Annie hugs me tightly and we are silent for a moment. She lets out a breath, "If this is what you think is best. I'm going to miss you."

"I wish I could stay. This vacation has been amazing." I meet her eyes, "I will let you know about everything I find out. Please tell Finn that I love him and I will be back as soon as I can."

"Of course I will." she replies. "Do you need help gathering your things?"

"No, but could you find out when the next train is leaving?"

Annie nods her head, grabbing the phone to call the station. I rush up the stairs to the room I have grown to love. I through my clothes into my bag, not caring to be neat. _Chris. _I need to tell him that I'm leaving. At the desk, I find a scrap of paper and a pen and scribble a quick letter to him.

_Chris,_

_I am so sorry to tell you like this, but something came up and I am needed in the Capitol. I wish I could see you again before I leave. I am so sorry for leaving you earlier today, I feel horrible. I would love to try a relationship with you, but I need to take it slow. I will be back to District 4 as soon as I can._

_\- Katniss _

I fold up the note, grab my bag, and run down the stairs. Annie is right where I left her in the kitchen.

"The next train leaves in ten minutes, if you run, you will be able to catch it." Annie tells me right as I walk in. She lunges in to hug me tightly. "Be safe."

"Thank you, Annie. For everything. I will be back soon I promise." I hand her my note for Chris, " Can you please get this to Chris and tell him I'm sorry?"

"Of course" She gives me one last smile before I am out the door, running to catch the train.

* * *

The train comes to a stop at the station in District 2. I made it to the train just in time to board before it left. I need to run to my house, grab some new clothes, my peacekeeper uniform, and replace the what was in my bag. I snap on my communicuff and adjust the pearl on my neck. I look in the mirror, attempting to make a face that appears strong. I have come a long way in the past three years, but I still have a long way before I will feel whole again. I pull on my fathers hunting jacket which creates a barrier of protection, giving me strength. I grab my bag once again, and run back to the station. Thank heavens the train hasn't left yet. I hop on the same empty car I arrived in and settle into my seat just as the train lurches forward.

* * *

_A light breeze ruffles my hair and I open my eyes. I find myself sitting on the beach in District 4, the sun's rays shining down on me. _

_"KATNISS!" Prim's voice calls to me from the water. I stand and see her splashing in the water. "Come swim with me!" _

_I run down to the water, feeling the sand move beneath my feet. Prim smiles at me from the water and I run faster. Just before I reach the water, another voice sounds from behind me._

_"KATNISS!" I stop in my tracks and look back to see Peeta standing where I ran from. "Wait for me." _

_"Okay." I say to him, turning back to the water. I watch Prim jump over the waves, bouncing with happiness. I go to step into the water, but I feel my feet sink into the wet sand. I can't move. Prim slips under the water. She bobs back up screaming, struggling to stay afloat. _

_"PRIM!" I try to move from my spot, only to find that I can't move any of my body at all, slowly sinking further into the sand. "PEETA!" I yell, hoping he can save her. My body rotates to face him, only to be surprised again. Peeta is forced to his knees by two peacekeepers, one on each side. _

_One of them yells to me, "Kill him, or she dies!"_

_I can't do this. what are they talking about? Suddenly I find myself holding a bow and arrow, aimed straight at Peeta's heart. I can't shoot him. I can't. Prim's screams become gasps for air, slipping under the water for longer and longer periods of time. I can't let her die. _

_"Do it Katniss." Peeta struggles out, "Please. Save Prim."_

_"I can't" My head feels like it is going to explode. I meet his eyes as my had releases the arrow. _

My eyes snap open, my hands grasping the seat. It was just a dream. None of that was real. My heart feels as though it is going to beat out of my chest. I take a deep breath looking out the window. I can see the Capitol in the distance. I will be there soon. _Focus Katniss, you need to be ready for anything._ My heart slows to its normal pace and I brace myself for what is to come.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for reading! I hope that all of you are enjoying the story! Please, please, please read and REVIEW! I love the feedback and it really helps me write. I am doing my best to stick to my once-a-month posting of a new chapter (the next one is already in the works). Thanks again! Happy reading!**

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Chapter 8

**Johanna's POV**

The Capitol train station zooms into view through my window. I haven't been able to stop thinking about this whole secret issue thing. Did Gale really see _Peeta_ and _Finnick_ in the surveillance footage? I can't see how that's possible. His eyes must have been playing tricks on him. I know that I'm a day late to this investigation; I just hope that I haven't missed anything big.

The train slows to a stop inside the station and I gather my things and make my way to the doors of the train. I look down checking to make sure that my uniform looks okay. I step out into the throng of people rushing around the platform and make my way outside. Luckily, my peacekeeper uniform causes people to move out of the way without hesitation. I see a rover waiting for me by the curb. The driver greets me when I get to him, "Commander Mason?"

"That's me," I reply, "take me to the justice building." He nods quickly before speeding away from the station.

I call Hawthorne on my communicuff to tell him that I am on my way and he tells me to meet him in the main control room. I take a deep breath to attempt to calm my nerves. I haven't felt this unsure about anything since before my first games.

* * *

The main entrance of the building was empty aside from the single peacekeeper as I entered the building. This just proves that this is BIG. I take a deep breath as I step onto the elevator, trying to emotionally prepare myself for what I am about to see. The elevator dings as it stops on the main floor and I step out into the clean white hall. As I approach the control room, I can hear hurried voices, so many combined that I cannot discern one from the other. I stop before the fogged glass door taking a moment before I open it.

_Lets do this._ I push open the door to see at least forty peacekeepers and workers running back and forth, looking at holographic images, video footage, and talking a mile a minute. I search the room, finally finding the tall dark profile I was looking for.

"HAWTHORNE!" I yell, trying to get his attention. I make my way towards him, _of course he's on the opposite side of the room_. "HAWTHORNE!" I try again.

His head whips around and thats when I notice the dark circles surrounding his eyes. He looks like he hasn't slept in days.

"Jo! Finally!" He says as I walk up next to him. "Why don't you come out in the hall and I can fill you in?" I nod in agreement turning to walk back the way I came. "Thom!" Gale yells at a peacekeeper on the other side of the room, "Can you come over here and help Sterling?" Thom nods and jogs over. Gale then grabs a tablet off the table and leads me out of the room. As soon as the door closes behind us, the noise level is immediately lowered, making it much easier to hear. We walk down the hall to one of the small sitting areas.

"So first thing first, this is probably the most mind-bowing thing that you are gonna hear for a while." He runs his fingers through his tousled hair and sighs. "I led a search this morning in pursuit of the intruders. I still can't fully wrap my mind about wha-"

"Gale, just get to the point for fucks sake!"

He looks over to me, making eye-contact, "We found them." He pauses. "We found Finnick and Peeta. _Finnick _and _Peeta_. They're alive Jo."

I shake my head and turn away from him, "This can't be real. I thought you said that as some ploy to get me here." I begin pacing the room, millions of thoughts racing through my head. "They're dead Gale. There's no way. It just- No."

Gale watches me as I try to figure out what he means by '_they're alive'. _I call bullshit. He has to be fucking with me. But how? I look over at him and see myself reflected in him; the confusion and worry. He's telling the truth. _Fuck._

"How?" is the only word I manage to squeeze out of my rapidly closing throat.

"I don't know. I wish I did. But Jo, there's a problem. They aren't quite themselves. My team found them in a room in the old part of the building, the part that hasn't seen daylight in three years. We had to leave them there because- because, they were hooked up to - to these wires. Jo, they were everywhere. I knew that we didn't have the ability to remove them from their bodies without killing them. I - I think they're chipped or being controlled. They looked dead Jo. The only thing to convince me otherwise were the steady beeps coming from their vitals panels." Gale's face grows paler with every word.

I can't seem to process anything that he is saying. I just heard that my best friend may be alive, but he may as well be dead. How can this happen to me, fucking President Snow still manages to live on three years after his death. Oh fuck, how do we break this to Katniss? I hope Gale can figure that out, because that is not going to be pretty.

"So how do we plan on getting them out?" I manage to squeak out.

"There's no way to do it without knowing who's keeping them there. For all we know, releasing them could unleash something that could kill us all. We need to get to the source of what's keeping them there."

"How are you going to break this to Kat?"

Gale looks at me with a grimace, "I wasn't planning on telling her until they are safe and under our guard."

"Gale, you and I both know that this is Katniss Everdeen we're talking about. Knowing her, she's probably already on a train here."

"Shit, I know." he says, scrubbing his face with his hands, "I just don't know. I feel like this could really break her, especially if they're not able to be cured."

"There's no doubt about that. But I do think that it would break her more if she found out later. You have to be the one to tell her. Who knows maybe she can help fix them." I attempt to sound optimistic. By the look on Hawthorne's face, I can tell that I wasn't. _Shit_. "Can you show me them?"

"Yeah," he sighs, "we managed to set up a hidden camera in the room before we left. For now we have to make it seem that we haven't found them. There is no way of knowing who is behind this yet."

"Were there any old-capitol peacekeepers left after the rebellion? Is there anyone that you suspect?"

"I have my ideas, but it's difficult to tell if any survived. As you know we have the few we found locked up, but who's to say that we didn't miss any."

* * *

I have been staring at the monitor for the last two hours. The room has slowly become quiet, as officers have slowly left for the night. Now it is just me and a few overnight workers in the room. I can't seem to pull my eyes away from it. I can't believe that I am seeing Finnick. I miss him so much. He was one of my only real friends left in this shitty world. Then there's Peeta. Peeta. I always thought that their love was fake. It seemed so staged. I hadn't seen a love so strong until we were in the arena together. I could see it in their eyes, there was no denying it. I have to keep telling myself that they are alive. _It's been three years_. I have taken that time to come to terms with what had happened. I thought that I had moved on.

"Jo." Hearing my name causes me to practically leap out of my seat. My eyes tear away from the screen to see Gale looking down at me, his eyes tired from the hours without sleep. _Sleep_. I realize that I haven't slept in over 24 hours.

"Huh?" I manage.

"Jo, we need to get some sleep. If we are ever going to solve this, we need our brains to be working at full power." He runs his hands through his thoroughly tousled hair.

"I- I don't think-" I can't even form a sentence in my head. I am torn because I don't want to look away from the camera, but at the same time, I know that he is right.

"Come on, Jo. Let's go." He grabs my arm and helped me stand from my chair.

We walk together out to a car that is waiting for us. My body feels numb and I no longer feel that I can cope with everything that has happened. _Yes, I, Johanna Mason, have feelings and right now it feels as though I am being shredded to pieces._

The ride to the hotel is short and Gale and I check in, loading our room keys onto our communicuffs. The elevator brings me to my floor first and Gale walks me to my room. My eyes lose focus and I feel my heart breaking. Gale notices that I am not myself and takes my arm leading me into my suite. Once inside, I can't seem to keep myself in check and tears begin to form in my eyes.

"Jo, I can stay for a while if you'd like." Gale whispers to me. All I can manage as a response is a small nod.

I don't even bother to take off my uniform before lying down on my bed and Gale quietly follow suit. He wraps his arms around me, creating the only thing that reminds me that this is real and not all in my head. I curl into him, appreciating the warmth radiating off him. As we lay there, the tears flow from my eyes in a steady silent stream as I drift off to sleep. Before I fall asleep completely, I feel a Gale press a kiss to the top of my head, showing me that he does have a heart behind the ruthless facade that he wears at all times.

* * *

I wake to my communicuff vibrating on my wrist. Gale is gone from my bed, he must have left late in the night after I was asleep. I guess it's for the best. He will never know how much it meant to me for him to stay with me. I look down at the message scrolling one my communicuff: _All command personnel are required to report back to HQ immediately. Commander Hawthorne. _

I drag myself out of bed, still wearing my uniform from the day before. I go to my bag and grab my spare set of clothes, not wanting to show up in a wrinkly uniform. I quickly slip into the new clothes and pull on my boots. I glance in the mirror and I don't know why I do, I look like a train-wreck.

* * *

Before I know it I'm stepping into the conference room full of fellow commanders. I glance over at Gale and we make eye contact, just long enough for him to nod subtly at me. Everyone is talking in hurried whispers, so I take a seat near the back corner of the room. Sterling enters the room in a whirlwind of files and paperwork.

"OKAY! EVERYONE LISTEN UP!" Sterling says as he slams the stack of files on the table. The room immediately becomes silent so they can hear the task at hand. "These files contain everything on peacekeeper special locations dating back to the 37th games. I want you to split into teams of two and go through all of these, looking for any locations where this group of pre-revolutionists amy be hiding out." He pauses looking around the room and his eyes land on me. 'Mason, you and Hawthorne come with me. I have something that we need to discuss._ This can't be good_." He looks back around the room, "Get to work!"

The room becomes a bustle of movement and increased volume of voices. I stand up and push my way through the crowd until I am out the door. Sterling and Hawthorne are already waiting for me in the hall. I make eye contact with Gale and his eyes tell me to stay quiet. Normally I would tell him to fuck off, but I know that now isn't the time for that.

"Follow me." Sterling commands, already walking down the hall to his office.

I follow closely behind Gale, careful to keep myself balanced. I still feel the weight of everything that is happening weighing down on me. We step into his office and I am shocked. Before me stands someone that I haven't seen in years. I didn't even know he was still alive. _Haymitch Abernathy_.


End file.
